Other Forum, Jokes Sub-Category, Oooops Thread
Bloke goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. As he's walking around, he notices this woman staring at him. For a start, he ignores it, but eventually, he goes over to her and says “I'm sorry, do I know you from somewhere?”
She looks at him and replies “I think you're the father of one of my kids.”
This takes the man by surprise, but after he thinks for a second or two he comes to the conclusion that it must have been his one and only indiscretion. “I'm sorry, you must have been the stripper at my brother's bachelor party. The one I had sex with on the pool table whilst my brother's best friend, Gary, spanked me. I had no idea that you'd become pregnant.”
“No” she replied and continued “I'm your son's math teacher!”
She looks at him and replies “I think you're the father of one of my kids.”
This takes the man by surprise, but after he thinks for a second or two he comes to the conclusion that it must have been his one and only indiscretion. “I'm sorry, you must have been the stripper at my brother's bachelor party. The one I had sex with on the pool table whilst my brother's best friend, Gary, spanked me. I had no idea that you'd become pregnant.”
“No” she replied and continued “I'm your son's math teacher!”
Bloke walks into a chemist/pharmacy to buy some condoms. He can't find them so he goes to the counter and asks “Please may I buy a packet of condoms?” “Certainly sir” replies the assistant “ what size are you?” A little confused at this, he tells the assistant “I didn't realize you had to specify a size. I don't know what size I am.” “That's no problem” the assistant continues “if you pop out your penis, I'll give it a quick stroke and we'll find out your size and I can match you up correctly.” A little embarrassed, but needing to get on with his day, the man goes along with the request, drops his trousers and the assistant strokes him. Next thing, the assistant shouts into the back room “Mavis ... Packet of large condoms please.” Mavis appears from the back with the large condoms and the assistant sells them to the man who then leaves the shop to continue on with his day.
Later, a younger man goes into the same shop and goes through the same process. After receiving the stroke, the assistant calls into the back “Mavis ... Packet of medium sized condoms.” These appear and are also sold.
Just before closing, a teenager comes into the same shop. “Packet of rubbers please” he says to the assistant. “Certainly young man” replies the assistant “ what size are you?” Totally bemused, the teenager replies “You What?” “What size condoms do you need” the assistant clarifies and continues “if you don't know, you could pop out your penis, I'll give it a quick stroke and we'll find out your size and I can match you up correctly.” He thinks about it for about a second, but then drops his trousers. The assistant gives him a quick stroke then turns to the back room and calls out “Mavis ... Can I get a cloth please.”
Later, a younger man goes into the same shop and goes through the same process. After receiving the stroke, the assistant calls into the back “Mavis ... Packet of medium sized condoms.” These appear and are also sold.
Just before closing, a teenager comes into the same shop. “Packet of rubbers please” he says to the assistant. “Certainly young man” replies the assistant “ what size are you?” Totally bemused, the teenager replies “You What?” “What size condoms do you need” the assistant clarifies and continues “if you don't know, you could pop out your penis, I'll give it a quick stroke and we'll find out your size and I can match you up correctly.” He thinks about it for about a second, but then drops his trousers. The assistant gives him a quick stroke then turns to the back room and calls out “Mavis ... Can I get a cloth please.”
26th January 2008