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Vote #1

Question:

The inaugural EastBayRag vote. So what should the question be on? (And no, that’s not the actual question of the vote – it’s part of the lead in before you try to be clever). I thought about having something on the construct of the website, but that seemed a little boring – possibly for later weeks. I have a set question that spawned the idea of the website, but my wife won’t let me ask it as it’s a bit rude. (Don’t worry, it’ll probably be the question next week – given that she doesn’t listen to me, I doubt she’ll take the time to read something I’ve written).

us flag
Well, given that this site is being read from both sides of the pond and this week seems to mean more to one side than the other, I figured it probably appropriate to have something on the whole Wednesday issue. OK, I suppose I better acknowledge it by its proper name then – the Fourth of July.

uk flag
So, where is your honor/honour? Do you drop the letter “u”, over use the letter “z” or eat a lot of roast beef? After 200+ years of independence, what say you:

Results:

Rule Britannia was the clear winner with 57% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Rule Britannia (57%)
  • Uncle Sam For Me (43%)
  • Neither (0%)

Analysis:

First, a big thank you to the thousands of people that came out and voted on this inaugural vote. We had a staggering response to this feature. Well, maybe the only thing that was staggering was me walking back from the pub last night, but still, a big thank you to those that voted.

Second, a big thank you to the team of vote counters employed to count the votes as they come in. (I know we said this was all automated, but really each vote is printed and put into a ballot box for counting later).

So what do we make of this? A bigger British response than American. I suppose there's a couple of easy choices:

a) I don't have many friends in America (compared to in England which still isn't many)
b) Most American's were on holiday this week and didn't look at the site
c) There's a lot of Brits out there to prove a point
d) American's couldn't vote

As with the golden rule of multiple choice exams, go with your first choice and don't go back and change. So that means ..... Oh ..... OK - I guess this vote means I don't have many friends. Oh well, it's never bothered me before and it's not going to bother me now.

To anybody who's taking the time to read, hope you had a great Independence Day (or week if you got to take time off) regardless of which side of the pond you are on. Mine was OK. Would have been better if Lewis Hamilton had won the British Grand Prix, but it was still a good race.

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Vote #2

Question:

Many thanks to my drinking buddy from Saturday night for this one. After a couple of beers, we decided that we need to take on the real issues and challenges facing each and every one of us on a daily basis. Or at least the stuff that really annoys you.

So, this week's question is simply to fill in the blank - "People who try to board planes before their seat assignment is called should be ____________"

Results:

Executed was the clear winner with 67% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Allowed (0%)
  • Politely told to wait (0%)
  • Sent to the back of the line (33%)
  • Made to miss the flight (0%)
  • Executed (67%)

Analysis:

Another huge week of voting! I tell you, if it carries on this way, we're going to have a question on which cat food you prefer to I can get my cats to vote. (One of them sleeps on the keyboard, so he probably did count for one of the votes).

Anyway, there is clearly a strong feeling about queue jumpers particularly at the airport. Even though most states / countries are looking to reduce the number of death sentences (well, maybe with the exception of China and their current product safety campaign), it seems that we fully support immediate cessation of life to anyone trying to take our spot when boarding a plane.

It is duly noted and I will wait my turn.

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Vote #3

Question:

All those things you've pondered being, well now's the time to make your mind up. Lets find out what you would rather do (other than your obviously very exciting job that keeps you busy between surfing websites).

Which of the following appeals most to you (or maybe is your fantasy job)?

Results:

Rock/Pop Star was the clear winner with 43% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Rock/Pop Star (43%)
  • Actor (0%)
  • Politician (14%)
  • Sports Player (14%)
  • Train Driver (0%)
  • X-Games Star (0%)
  • Porn Star (29%)

Analysis:

One of my mates is always telling me a Blackie Lawless quote that goes something like "the top three jobs in the country are President, Famous Actor then Rock Star. But the top two want to be the third." Seems like we agree.

I have to say, I was a little worried when I included the option of being a porn star as I thought it would be the runaway winner, but it only managed second. Something about knowing your audience there.

Ironically, with absolutely no musical talent whatsoever, I'd probably stand a better chance in the pornography industry anyway. Guess it's a good job I paid attention in at least a couple of lessons at school as I'm sure I'd be struggling to make ends meet if it were left to performing on the triple X screens.

Right, time to go tune the air guitar and dance round the bedroom.

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Vote #4

Question:

After watching Blood Diamond this weekend and thinking about all the turmoil in the world, I figured it about time that EBR take on the real political issues to try to get to the bottom of what really matters.

All the talk about superpowers vs freedom fighters, we need to find out who would reign supreme.

So, here's this week's question. In a street fight, who would come out on top?

Results:

Cartman was the clear winner with 43% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Homer Simpson (14%)
  • Family Guy (29%)
  • Fred Flintstone (14%)
  • Scooby-Doo (0%)
  • Cartman (43%)
  • Bugs Bunny (0%)
  • Winnie the Pooh (0%)

Analysis:

Officer, this is how it went down. I saw the whole thing. I was waling down the hill, minding my own business when I saw Homer come stumbling out of Moe's. Well, he trips over and goes flying into Bugs Bunny.

"What's up Doc?" says the rabbit. "You gonna need a Doc" replies Homer and with that, he nuts the rabbit right in the face. Well, I don't think bugs even saw it. He went down like a lead balloon. He was just laying there all floppy - like his ears, but floppy all over, not moving. And if that weren't bad enough, Homer starts laying in the boot. Starts messing the bunny up real bad.

Thankfully, for Bugs' sake, Family Guy comes out the bar after Homer and tries to stop him. He grabs hold of Homer and starts to wrestle him.

Now, this is where it gets kind of confusing. Before these guys could get anything sorted, I see this bear come running over the street. He's just shouting "Oh My! Oh My!". I think he were trying to help like, but to be honest, I think he's had one too many pots of honey to be of any use. So, Winnie the Pooh's charging over the street to break it up, but when he gets to the other side, he just trips over the curb, goes flying past the action and smashes his face into the wall. I shouldn't laugh, but he took himself out of the game before he got a chance to do anything.

Anyway, this little side show was enough to let Family Guy get the upper hand. He probably would have anyway as Homer looked like he'd been at the Duff all night. Anyway, Family Guy spins him round and flings him against the wall. Unfortunately, he throws Homer right where Pooh was laying. So, Pooh's about to come round and Homer lands on him driving the poor bear's face into the pavement.

As bad as this was, it seemed to be over, but that was just wishful thinking. Before I knew it, Scooby-Doo, Fred Flintstone and Cartman arrived on the scene. Now, as I mentioned earlier, it seemed like Family Guy was trying to stop Homer, but I guess it didn't look this way to these three as they just caught the bit where Family Guy flung Homer to the ground and wiped out Winnie the Pooh.

So, Scooby comes blundering across the road, but Fred's already coming down the hill in his car. Well, officer, it's not my place to say, but I don't think that motor of Flintstone's is street legal. He was watching Family Guy and didn't see Scooby crossing the road I guess. At the last minute he must have seen him as he stuck his feet down, but lets face it, you need more than your feet to stop a car. Scooby-Doo? Scooby-Don't more like. Splat! Fred's only gone and run him over and put the dog out of his misery. Flattened him like a pancake it did.

"You will respect my authority" is ringing out whilst all this is going on as Cartman tries to get hold of the situation. Again, wishful thinking, but I really thought Cartman was going to bring a stop to this, but he just made it worse. I tell you, that kid knows how to handle himself

"Yabba-Dabba-Doo" shouts Fred. "Yabba-Dabba-This" shouts Cartman and kicks Flintstone in the balls. Flintstone drops to his knees gasping for air. Family Guy comes over, Cartman takes one look at him and kicks him in the nuts as well. He drops to his knees opposite Flintstone. Cartman comes up behind them, grabs each behind the head and drives them together. Both Family Guy and Fred Flintstone are done. Both of their noses cave in and spray blood everywhere.

Officer, I'm not joking, it was the worst street fight I ever saw, but you got to give it to that Cartman cus he definitely came out on top.

1 comment(s)back to top
xxx
12:33:47
30th July 2007
I got Fred Flinstone confused with captain caveman where his club would have come in handy in a fight. Saying that, both Homer and Peter Griffin are too stupid to win and I would have thought cartman too lazy, but what do I know?
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Vote #5

Question:

We've all heard the saying "the best thing since sliced bread" or "don't re-invent the wheel", but what do you think is the greatest invention? At least, which of the following has had the biggest impact on your life?

Results:

Car and Beer/Alcohol tied with 40% of the votes each from the following:

  • Wheel (0%)
  • Sliced Bread (0%)
  • Electricity (0%)
  • Car (40%)
  • Beer/Alcohol (40%)
  • iPod/iPhone (0%)
  • Vibrator (20%)

Analysis:

For the first time in EBR vote history, we have a tie. And what a tie it is, between beer/alcohol and the car. Probably about the worst combination you could have. Still, you've got to find some way of getting to the pub haven't you. Both worthy inventions for completely different reasons, but definately things that have affected/changed one's life at some point or other.

To complete the analysis, we should consider the three items that were voted on and say that I was driven to drink when my wife ran off with a vibrator. Or, to take an alternate look, we could say I was driven to drink when my vibrator ran out of batteries.

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Vote #6

Question:

Time to answer the mysteries of the universe. How many times have you looked up into the sky and wondered what's out there? Maybe you know. Well, whether you know or not, here's your chance to vote on whether you believe there is extraterrestrial life. Do aliens exist?

Results:

Yes - they are out there, Yes - and they are among us, Yes - because I am an alien and No tied with 25% of the votes each from the following:

  • Yes - they are out there (25%)
  • Yes - and they are among us (25%)
  • Yes - because I am an alien (25%)
  • No (25%)

Analysis:

After last week being the first tie, I guess I should have expected a complete draw. That said, the questions were a little spread on the yes side, so at least a conclusion can be drawn as to the fact that 75% of us think that aliens exist.

For those voting to say that they are an alien - glutta fugg htuk htuk sadus tvshowatchin weebie webin ftorg tekineet tfar dipsheet.

Roughly translated that just means “No you're not, you're just a Star Trek fan who's taking it a little too far. But thanks for voting anyway.”

Time to go into the kitchen and wrap my head in baking foil to stop the mind reading. (As if anyone would want to know what's going through my mind!)

Shazbot, na-nu na-nu.

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Vote #7

Question:

One for William. He seems totally incapable of telling our two cats apart (learning their names) even though they are different colors, yet he is more than capable of rattling of the names of the Teletubbies. So, which is your favorite Teletubby?

Results:

I hate Teletubbies was the clear winner with 64% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Tinky Winky (0%)
  • Dipsy (9%)
  • Laa-laa (9%)
  • Po (18%)
  • I hate Teletubbies (64%)

Analysis:

Wow! Who would have thunk it? Clearly an emotional question as this resulted in the biggest vote to date. A resounding vote to have the Teletubbies vaporized (now there's an idea for an episode). A little bit of support for Po. Although Po to me is a chamber pot to go to the bathroom in during the night. I seem to remember it being called that on Steptoe and Son (classic British comedy), so it would go something like this:

Vote20070819-221654.jpg   +   Vote20070819-221807.jpg   =   Vote20070819-221822.jpg

Well, back to the subject at hand. I guess this is the UK's way of trying to get one up on the US by sending the teletubbies over here to wind up a couple of folks. Nice try. We sent back David Blaine. Give me the Teletubbies any day!

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Vote #8

Question:

Ever been in a rush to get out of the house only to realize you can't find your car keys. Well, in order to prevent that from happening to me, this week's question is where are my car keys?

Results:

On table by Door was the clear winner with 75% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Pocket (25%)
  • Locked in Car (0%)
  • On table by Door (75%)
  • In pot for keys (0%)
  • Down crack in sofa (0%)
  • Up crack where sun doesn't shine (0%)

Analysis:

Thanks. Found them!

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Vote #9

Question:

People are always going on about there pets. How clever or beautiful they are. How much attention they need, blah, blah, blah. There's always a discussion about whether dogs or cats are smarter, so this week we find out "pussy or pooch?"; "fur, feather or fish?".

What's your favorite pet?

Results:

Dog and Cat tied with 50% of the votes each from the following:

  • Dog (50%)
  • Cat (50%)
  • Fish (0%)
  • Bird (0%)
  • Lizard (0%)
  • Gerbil (or other rodent) (0%)
  • Tortoise (0%)

Analysis:

One fine day with a woof and a purr,
A baby was born and it caused a little stir,
No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog,
Just a feline/canine, little CatDog,
CatDog! CatDog! Alone in the world is the little CatDog!

A lunatic dog and a frustrated cat,
Opposite this and opposite that,
An internal struggle for two-in-one brothers,
Scratching and biting and loving each other,
CatDog! CatDog! Nothing in the world like the little CatDog!
CatDog! CatDog! Nothing in the world like the little CatDog!

Over the river and through the muck,
Hot on the trail of the garbage truck,
Friends to the end through good and bad weather,
But life is complicated when you're always together,
CatDog! CatDog! Nothing in the world like the little CatDog!

Out on the road or back in town,
All kinda critters putting CatDog down,
Gotta rise above it, gotta try to get along,
Gotta walk together, gotta sing this song,
CatDog! CatDog! Alone in the world is the little CatDog!
CatDog! CatDog! Alone in the world is the little CatDog!
CatDog! CatDog! Alone in the world is the little CatDog!

Clearly Vote20070909-091338.jpg is the ideal pet according to the EBR voters given the 50/50 split between cat and dog. And not only the ideal pet from a vote perspective, but also from the point of view that there would be no mess to clean up as this animal doesn't appear to have a poo hole.

Thinking about it, I seem to remember the Simpsons doing an episode around “the Fly” movie where the cat and dog went into the teleporter and came out joined together similar to the CatDog animal pictured above. Although they also ended up with the other bits coming out joined together.

And now I think about it, I seem to remember a South Park episode where Butters is trying to take over the world and everything he does has been done before by the Simpsons.

Clearly too much thinking. Time to reach for a beer in the fridge.

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Vote #10

Question:

Time for the “big question” with the emphasis on “BIG.” Take a look at the next meal / snack you are going to have and answer that age old question - “would you like fries with that?”

Results:

If I wanted fries I would have asked for fries! was the clear winner with 60% of the votes from the following selection:

  • Yes (40%)
  • No (0%)
  • Supersize Me (0%)
  • If I wanted fries I would have asked for fries! (60%)

Analysis:

A closer vote than I expected as I thought we would all be going for the blood of the spotty teenager working behind the counter of your local fast food burger joint. Although that was indeed the most popular vote, there were a few votes to take the fries. I suppose that's only natural though as I think we'd all be lying if we said that we hadn't said “yes” to the aforementioned spotty teenager.

And at the end of the day, we all like fries, so why not!

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